How The Alpine Ibex Got Its Horns
In a time and place long ago, Dearest Darling, there once
lived Alpine Ibex. Alpine Ibex was the only one on the mountain without the
horns that are gifted to the strongest of males. To cope with his saddening
sadness, he made himself feel better by boasting and bickering.
“Only I can climb this massive mountain!”Alpine Ibex declared hopping over to Bull. “Can you?”he asked Bull mockingly.
“I cannot. But I can lift a thousand pounds, unlike you,”Bull responded. Alpine Ibex glared at Bull and skipped away to confront Ox.
“Good day Ox,”greeted Alpine Ibex. “How do you do?”
“What must you ask me now, for I am working,”Ox said irritatedly irritated by the irritator. He was pulling a wagon full of humongous hay bales. You see, Dearest Darling, that Alpine Ibex has been irritatingly irritating his neighbors for some time.
“I bet that you cannot run as fast as I,”he boasted.
“Ha!”Ox laughed. “Your preposterously pewny body cannot lift all of the weight I carry every single day.”Alpine Ibex turned red at this, and stalked off muttering under his breath.
The next day Bull and Ox met under the gigantic oak tree.
“What are we to do with him?”Bull asked.
“I haven' t a single idea. All he wants is horns like us to look strong,”Ox muttered. Then, Dearest Darling, a thought struck them. What if they gave him what he wanted, but just a little, tiny bit different.
Ox trotted off to fetch some wood, while Bull created a large fire. Ox returned with two massive logs. Bull took them and shaped them into horns that the tops were curved backwards. That night, Bull and Ox crept up on the sleeping Alpine Ibex. Using tree sap, they stuck the hilariously homemade horns onto the Alpine Ibex’s head.
It was next morning, where Bull and Ox were waiting in the bushes for Alpine Ibex to wake up. When he did, he stood up and staggered and wobbled from side to side.
“What is on my head?”Alpine Ibex said worriedly. Bull and Ox snickered.
“You have been gifted horns!”They yelled in unison, jumping out from behind the bushes. Alpine Ibex walk over to the pond nearby and looked at his reflection.
“This isn't what I wanted! I asked for real horns.”Alpine Ibex wailed. He sulked off into the woods and never boasted again, sticking to living on the mountain.
Now, Dearest Darling, do you understand that jealousy has consequences? Be happy with whatever gifts you have and be unique.
“Only I can climb this massive mountain!”Alpine Ibex declared hopping over to Bull. “Can you?”he asked Bull mockingly.
“I cannot. But I can lift a thousand pounds, unlike you,”Bull responded. Alpine Ibex glared at Bull and skipped away to confront Ox.
“Good day Ox,”greeted Alpine Ibex. “How do you do?”
“What must you ask me now, for I am working,”Ox said irritatedly irritated by the irritator. He was pulling a wagon full of humongous hay bales. You see, Dearest Darling, that Alpine Ibex has been irritatingly irritating his neighbors for some time.
“I bet that you cannot run as fast as I,”he boasted.
“Ha!”Ox laughed. “Your preposterously pewny body cannot lift all of the weight I carry every single day.”Alpine Ibex turned red at this, and stalked off muttering under his breath.
The next day Bull and Ox met under the gigantic oak tree.
“What are we to do with him?”Bull asked.
“I haven' t a single idea. All he wants is horns like us to look strong,”Ox muttered. Then, Dearest Darling, a thought struck them. What if they gave him what he wanted, but just a little, tiny bit different.
Ox trotted off to fetch some wood, while Bull created a large fire. Ox returned with two massive logs. Bull took them and shaped them into horns that the tops were curved backwards. That night, Bull and Ox crept up on the sleeping Alpine Ibex. Using tree sap, they stuck the hilariously homemade horns onto the Alpine Ibex’s head.
It was next morning, where Bull and Ox were waiting in the bushes for Alpine Ibex to wake up. When he did, he stood up and staggered and wobbled from side to side.
“What is on my head?”Alpine Ibex said worriedly. Bull and Ox snickered.
“You have been gifted horns!”They yelled in unison, jumping out from behind the bushes. Alpine Ibex walk over to the pond nearby and looked at his reflection.
“This isn't what I wanted! I asked for real horns.”Alpine Ibex wailed. He sulked off into the woods and never boasted again, sticking to living on the mountain.
Now, Dearest Darling, do you understand that jealousy has consequences? Be happy with whatever gifts you have and be unique.
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